Big Heavy (Dave/John/Bro)

John blinked up at the dark ceiling. Maybe he'd overdone it on he gushers. He was all hopped up on sugar, his mind going a mile a minute despite his desperate attempts to go to sleep. It must be nearing 5am by now. He'd heard the door to the apartment open a few minutes ago and sort of flipped out, before realizing it was just Dave's Bro coming home. It was so weird. He wasn't used all this staying up late with no adults around to tell you to go to bed, just crashing whenever you got too tired to hold your eyes open.

Of course it was a lot of fun, too! There was a reason he and Dave were best bros. He'd had more coolbrochilltime in the last two days he'd been here than most other kids got in a month! Nonstop videogames and pranks and irony and beats and bullshitting. It was just a little overwhelming. And now when he finally had a chance to rest, he couldn't.

He sighed, giving up and just letting his his mind go where it wanted, trying to keep away from the thought of being homesick. He was sixteen now, not some baby who needed his dad! He was here in Texas and everything was great and that was really all there was to say on the matter.

This topic successfully avoided, he thought about pretty much everything else under the sun: what they would do tomorrow, how Rose and Jade were doing, how shitty the Striders' kitchen was, what that weird noise coming from the main room was, school and his fellow students back home.

His stupid hyperactive brain latched onto something he'd been wondering about for a good while, something that had been said to him the last day before school ended. It had puzzled him to no end, but he'd forgotten it in the excitement of visiting Dave. But now it was back, nagging him like crazy.

Finally, he whispered into the darkness, "Hey Dave? Are you awake?" Dave would know, he always knew about these things, somehow. And it would make waiting to fall asleep less boring. It would be pretty funny if they had both been awake the whole time and just not talking to each other!

Dave had been staring blankly up at the ceiling for hours, a steady beat running through his head. This was when he wrote his music, in the wee hours of the morning. He could almost feel it running through his blood, that steady, thumping backbeat that Bro had taught him made for a wicked tune. He'd decided on three minutes for this one, so for a while it had just been three minute loops of flat beat through his brain; then, after a while, something new came in, seemingly of it's own volition. Things continued like this till he almost had a completed song thrumming through his brainmeats, then John's voice cut through the darkness. He put the record player of his mind on hold so he wouldn't lose his place, and sat up to look at his derpy best friend.

"Yeah, Egderp. What's up?"

John was a little surprised that Dave was still awake, but thankful nonetheless. He turned onto his side, his sleeping bag rustling as he looked at Dave. "Oh hey man," he smiled wide even though it was too dark to see or be seen. "I was just wondering about something, I figured you'd be the man to ask!" He looked up at the ceiling again, recalling the details.

"It was the last day of school or something, and we were all changing in the locker room, and this guy asked me if I was a grower or a shower. And then everyone laughed. Except me 'cause I didn't get it! And I figured, Dave's the cool guy who knows all the lingo with kids these days, heheh! So what's it mean?"

He was suddenly glad for the darkness, he could feel his face heating up, though he didn't know exactly why. All he knew was that it sounded dirty.

Dave snorted derisively and laid back into the pillows. Wow, was Egbert really that dense? He couldn't figure it out on his own? Well, Dave supposed he was lucky that he didn't have to completely explain sex to the derp, seeing as he was pretty much the most sheltered kid on the planet. He wondered if John had ever even watched porn before. Probably not; he would have to fix that this weekend.

"Alright Egderp, since you're clearly a fuckin' moron, let the almighty Strider enlighten you. A guy's cock- please tell me you've at least taken a good look at yours- gets bigger when he's hard, right? Well, if you're a shower, then your meat stick doesn't really get much bigger, no matter what fine piece of ass you're bangin'. On the other hand- or in the other hand, you might say- , a grower might not look all that impressive when he's just got it all hangin' loose, but put a porn mag or one of Bro's smuppet vids in front of him and you'll have a straining meat porpoise to rival the size of the Lincoln Memorial in no time."

"Jeez Dave, just cause I don't know some weird crap about dicks doesn't mean I'm a moron. I get really good grades, you know!" John huffed, crossing his arms. He could have looked it up on the internet he guessed, but he'd just sort of forgotten about it. He shut up to listen to Dave's explanation, which was always amusing. He stifled his laughter so he could hang on ever super cool if kind of disturbing word.

When he finished he was quiet for a moment, then burst out into a fit of uncontrollable giggles. "Oh man! And I thought he was asking if I'd hit my growth spurt to get taller yet. And," he continued matter-of-factly, "I think you mean the Washington Monument. Unless that statue of Lincoln's got a big dick I never knew about, haha!"

He went very red again, wondering why exactly he had been asked in the first place. "So...which is better?" he asked, feeling self conscious suddenly.

"Huh? Neither, I guess, really," you respond. You think you might have vicarious emotional whiplash from how fast he went from brazen to embarrassed. "I mean, either way your cock could really be the same size, it's just a matter of how big ya look flaccid, yanno? Don't get so fuckin' worked up about it Egderp, jeeze. It doesn't even matter. ....But out of curiosity... Which are you?"

He pretty much knew that question was coming, but he still managed to be a little shocked. "Uhm...well....I guess a grower," he laughed a little nervously, shifting awkwardly in his sleeping bag. Bless this pitch black room, because he knew he'd never hear the end of it if Dave could see his face right now.

"But I mean that could be like, embarrassing in locker rooms. I can't just be like 'Oh it's cool dude I'm a grower!'" Well, he couldn't, anyway, what with all this nerdy bashfulness he didn't know what to do with. Ugh, this was weird! He turned it around the only way he knew how. "What about you, man?" He didn't know what the hell he would do with the knowledge.

Dave snickered and shook his head, though he knew John couldn't see it. He knew what John was trying to pull here, redirecting the conversation to try and un-embarrass himself. It was alright though, there wasn't really any point in making his best bro suffer at five in the morning. "A grower. Runs in the family. Though I'm pretty sure Bro's got me beat in that department cuz damn, you can't even walk through the bathroom when that fucker's taking a piss. It's like trying to thread a needle with a cannon. You just don't get in the middle of that shit. Now fuckin' go to sleep Egbert, since your burning curiosity is sated. Jegus."

"How do you know it runs in the family? Have you uh... seen your Bro, you know...hard?" John asked, refusing to go to sleep now that Dave had revealed this somewhat disturbing if highly intriguing tidbit. Rather than sating his curiosity, Dave had piqued it tenfold.

He wasn't sure why. John didn't have a lot of experience with other cocks besides his own. What he dutifully ignored in the locker room didn't count. For some reason the fact that Dave's Bro was apparently very well endowed latched on like a tapeworm and wouldn't leave. It was probably gay. Or maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was just healthy teenaged interest in the reproductive system and its limits. Or something. Whatever, he would tell himself that.

"Ha, dude you don't even know what kind of a tactless prick my Bro is. He will leave his shit just hangin' for everybody to see like it's the fuckin' Liberty Bell on tour 'round the fuckin' country. I've come home from school and found him fappin' on the couch to some shitty ironic seventies porn. He has no sense of fuckin' modesty. I'm surprised as shit that he bothers to put a fuckin' towel on when he's paradin' around after his shower while you're here."

"Huh..." John said, putting his hands behind his head as he looked up at the ceiling. He sort of wanted to know just how big this cock was, but he had a feeling asking Dave for measurements would be going to far. "Parading" really was the right word, Bro's post-shower apartment roamings seemed completely intentional, water still dripping off that ridiculously cut chest as the towel barely clung onto his hips.

Wow. Gay. Gay gay gay. John didn't smack himself on the forehead, just because he didn't want Dave to ask him what was up. No. It wasn't gay. He was just appreciating a fine specimen of his gender. Someone to look up to. That was all. Maybe he could manage to get a look at it, he was going to be here for awhile after all. Then it would be over and done and he could go home just the same but also having seen some monster cock.

He yawned, finally getting sleepy. And he didn't want to bother Dave anymore with his barely straight musings. "Well. Good night, fellow grower," he giggled as he snuggled up in his sleeping bag and closed his eyes, even though it was clearly morning now.

"Whatever, dude."
Dave tuned out whatever further ramblings John might've had after that and turned back on the ephemeral record player of his mind, picking up in his song where he left off. He figured he could get this one finished before he fell asleep, and then he's have something to record tomorrow while John derped around doing whatever it was John did when he wasn't paying attention. Knowing that fag, he'd probably be staring at Bro's junk all day tomorrow. That's one more ironic point in the Strider coffers right there.

- - - - -
When Dave woke up the next morning he had an absolutely burning, insatiable need to take a piss right now. He flashstepped out into the hallway, narrowly avoiding John (he was getting better at it, but still was nowhere near perfect) and bolted to the.... closed bathroom door. He could hear the shower running, and that just made the situation all the more urgent.

"Jegus, Bro, what the fuck? It's like one and you're still fuckin' in there? What're you doin', jerkin' it?" he asked loudly, banging on the door. When he didn't get a response after a few seconds and figured he was being ignored, he just opened the door and let himself in. "Whatever. Fuck you, Bro, I gotta take a piss." He was in such a hurry to take the fuck care of business that he didn't even bother to shut the door behind him.

"Whoa, dude!" John had been on his way back from a failed attempt to use the bathroom when he felt Dave brush by. Rather than wait politely like John had been doing, (totally not waiting for Bro to come out naked) Dave just barged right on in, and even left the door open. It almost seemed like an invitation. Maybe Dave was trying to help him get his peep on?

John desperately wished he had the ninja skills of a Strider as he crept towards the open door. He poked his head around the door, noting the pointed shades sitting on the rim of the sink. Oh wow. He pointedly did not look at Dave, as that would be a breach of brotical, and focused on the shower. It was tough to see through the steam, but John could definitely make out the outline of something much larger than average against the older Strider's leg.

"Cleanliness is next to Broliness," Bro was saying to Dave as he scrubbed at his hair. So he liked long showers, big fuckin' deal. "Better close the door 'fore you give your precious lil' pal nightmares." And as he said it he looked over to the door, just catching a head of messy black hair retreating from the frame. He couldn't help but smirk.

"Whatever, Bro," Dave commented, finishing up his business. "I seriously doubt you'd give him nightmares anyway, dude. John "Not A Homo" Egbert has totally got cock on the brain now, specifically yours, and you can thank me for that one. But please, hold your applause," Dave replied, moving to wash his hands. Just for the added irony, he reached over and flushed the toilet, then absconded back to his room before his either fried or frozen Bro could get ahold of him.

"The fuck?" Bro said, "What the hell are you giggling schoolgirls gabbin' about when you're huddled in your sleeping bags and braiding your hair?" Bro asked, but it was too late.

"Fuckin- cocksuck shitfuck meteorspawn asshole," he let fly as the water became too hot to handle. He ended his shower early, stepping out and taking his time putting the towel around his waist. So that explained Egbert's peeking. It was something Bro was pretty used to. Just not from Dave's dumb friends. He could definitely have some fun with this.

"Oh hey, Dave!" John greeted his friend when he was suddenly back into the room. "Is your Bro done showering yet? I really gotta pee..." He decided not to mention the fact that he had totally seen some of Bro's D, even if it hadn't been nearly a good enough look.

Dave pulled out a milk crate full of records from his closet and set about finding the necessary ones to put together the mad tunes he'd been thinking up last night. "Well if he wasn't, he is now," he said with a huff of ironic laughter. There would be consequences to his actions later, he knew, but it was worth it to have the one-upmanship scale temporarily tilted in his favor. "Knock yerself out, Egderp."

"Great," John sighed in relief, rushing out of the room again, running right into a barely clothed Bro as he came out of the bathroom.

"Oops," the elder Strider stood his ground, deliberately letting his towel fall everywhere except from his crotch. John looked up from the floor, taking in all of Bro's ridiculous body and trying not to stare. Agh, he had been so close, he thought, quickly diverting his eyes from the inconveniently placed towel. "Sorry!" he choked out, then quickly scuttled around Bro, slamming the door to the bathroom.

Bro stopped by Dave's door on the way to the main room where all his clothes were piled. "What the fuck have you wrought, man?" he asked, though a smug grin was playing at his lips.

Dave let out a huff of totally ironic laughter and looked up from his perusal of the record bin with a self-satisfied smirk on his face, well suited to his Striderly station. "At least a week's worth of entertainment, that's what, Bro. Bet you wish you'd pulled this one off on your own, huh?" The uncoolness of bragging did nothing to tip the scales back in Bro's direction. This was just too good. "But why do you ask? What'd you do?"

Bro fixed his towel's tenuous hold on his waist as he leaned on the doorway. "Yeah, I wish I'd thought of getting a 16 year old kid all up on safari for my dick." He looked at his nails casually, "Dunno where I went wrong, your sense of irony's real fucked up, kid." He was still smirking though, almost proudly.

"Didn't do a god damn thing," Bro continued innocently, "Just protected my decency when your lil' girlfriend came barreling into me. Try not to get too jealous when he spends all week up in my grill instead of worshipping you cause of what you told him. I don't want a catfight on my hands."

"Dude, I could care less if he's all up in your grill. He's just curious. I know where his real loyalties lie, man, cuz I'm the best bro a guy could ever ask for. Whereas you're just a dick." He paused for a second, then snickered mischievously. "A huge dick."

Bro shrugged, "You're right about that. More than you'll ever be," he taunted. "Alls I'm sayin' is careful what you wish for or some shit like that," the older man continued somewhat ominously.

John cautiously exited the bathroom, trying not to run into anyone this time. He found himself facing Bro's majestic back, and the reality of the towel hanging low on his ass, just beginning to reveal the curves and crack. Wrong side, dammit! he thought as he hesitantly approached. He waited patiently for Mr. Strider to get out of the way, peering in through the doorway at Dave as if pleading for assistance.

Bro sensed him, and stayed right where he was. "Anyway, she was trying to get by just like licking and tasting it and shit. I told her to just open her throat and fucking take it. Never heard so much gagging in my life. Whole restaurant was staring at us. But I mean, that's how you're supposed to eat raw oysters, one swallow."

John felt his face heating up. He must really have dicks on the brain, the way he thought that story had been going!

Inwardly, Dave was dying laughing at John's reaction. He wished he could record it or something so Bro could see; it was just so priceless. Outwardly, though, his poker face was unaffected. "Sounds like a real keeper there, Bro. Maybe you should screen your girlfriends a little better in the future. Shit like that could damage the Strider reputation, yanno? Oh, hey John."

"Don't worry dude, she's not gonna be ascending any of my ladders," Bro assured. He placed a hand wistfully over his chest, "You're still my number one, little guy." He feigned surprise when Dave indicated Egbert and turned around, his towel slipping even lower around his waist.

"Oh hey man, sorry 'bout earlier. Wasn't watchin' where I was goin'. Didn't mean to almost give you a show."

"Oh! No it was totally my fault, Mr. Strider!" John insisted, pulling his eyes up from that damn towel.

"Whatever. Hey don't let me hold you up, go on in." Bro gestured through the doorway, but didn't move. John got redder as he was forced to squeeze past the man, ducking his head as he finally made it into Dave's bedroom.

"Um, so what're you workin' on?" John asked, desperately trying to change his brain's subject as he ignored Bro and watched his friend at the turntables.

"Just piecin' together some ill beats that I was thinkin' up last night before you started going on about whatever. I've just got one last thing I want to add in, but I'm not sure what it should be. It just feels like it needs somethin', I dunno."

"Needs some talent," Bro heckled from the door, though he didn't mean it at all. He finally left the boys to it, going to find some clothes.

John's flush was fading slower than it would have if Dave hadn't mentioned their conversation last night, however vague. "I think it sounds okay. You're really good at this stuff Dave. It's so uh...cool!"