Provocation of a Fluke (Bro/Karkat)

Bro laughed. "Yeah, I already tricked him into thinking that was possible"

"What, seriously?" Dave struggled to contain his laughter, a throaty chuckle eventually fighting its way to the surface. "But he's so obsessed with quadrants and relationships, how could he know nothing about how sexual relations work?"

"Can we please not be having this conversation?" Karkat groaned, his voice warbling in humiliation.

"Drop it" Bro chuckled. "Or he won't make us supper"

"Damn right I won't," Karkat threatened, stirring the syrup into his oatmeal.

"Fine, fine," Dave complied, still chuckling to himself as he dug in.

"If he ever stops cooking, I will personally murder you in your sleep and paint the walls with your blood, just like in all the bad horror movies" Bro stated.

Dave grabbed a strip of bacon off the paper towel laden plate. "Dude, I already dropped the conversation like yesterday's Time's, jesus. Don't gotta threaten to kill your first of kin over it."

Karkat snickered into his oatmeal, setting the bottle of syrup back on the table.

"Yes I do. I have to make sure my point is across, as my duty as alpha male."

"Alpha my ass. If it's any consolation, I don't want him to stop cooking either, no death threats required," Dave explained, sipping his apple juice.

"Tell you what. Me. You. Strife. After breakfast. Roof." Bro stated

"If you feel like you need to beat up your lil baby brother to feel like a true 'alpha', sure. Let's do it." Dave smirked behind his glass.

Karkat frowned. "Dave, he could really hurt you."

"Good. Bring Cal" Bro nodded.

"Of course," Dave agreed with Bro.

"Why does he need to bring Cal?" Karkat asked, confused about why that puppet needed to be involved in a strife.

"Cause, kitty cat, Cal likes to watch" Bro practically purred

"Aw, dude, don't say it like that. You make it sound so wrong," Dave groaned, his ears burning in embarrassment.

"Can I watch too?" Karkat asked, wondering what a practice fight looked like between Striders.

"Well he likes to watch that too" Bro winked. "And sure, so long as you stay where I tell you to"

"I'll mind my distance," Karkat promised. "But I'm bringing the first aid kit with me."

"A chef and a nurse," Dave hummed. "You're gonna make a great house waifu."

"What the fuck's a waifu?" Karkat asked, glaring at Dave.

"Wife. Anime one specifically" Bro supplied.

"I'm not an anime wife," Karkat growled at Dave who only raised his hands in defeat.

"That wasn't an insult, Karkat. Chill."

"Would you be my waifu if I asked real nice?" Bro asked with a smirk

Karkat talked around his spoonful of syrupy oatmeal. "W'h w'd a't m'n?" He tried that again without the obstruction in his mouth, swallowing thickly. "What would that mean? If I was your 'waifu'?"

"Basically what you're doing now" Bro shrugged. "Not really any changes."

"Then fine, I'm your anime wife," Karkat muttered, still confused about what exactly that entailed. It's not like he really watched all that much anime.

"He's already got the apron for it," Dave teased, causing Karkat to flinch when he realized that he was still wearing that apron Bro gave him.

"Dude, that's my apron" Bro replied, glaring at Dave.

"So?" Dave asked, arching a brow. "It looks good on him."

Bro turned to look at Karkat with an approving noise. "Yeah, it does."