No Crust (Gamzee/Tavros)

"Yes, Mr. Egbert is right, younger Egbert," Equius informed John, puncturing a tomato half and eating it. "You should eat more vegetables or you will never be as STRONG and POWERFUL as me." As if anyone could be as strong as him, that is, with out being on steroids, which even Equius frowned upon.

Gamzee began zoning out after he shoved another mouthful of salad into his face, chewing on it well past the point of it holding any texture beyond goop.

"Swallow, Gamzee" Mr. E reminded him gently.

John made a face. "Eck, I'm pretty sure that that is near impossible. Unless I was Bruce Banner, but even then, its pretty hard to make me angry. And I'm pretty sure I don't have any pairs of purple pants."

"I could arrange that for you," Equius replied, adding hesitantly before he took another bite, "The purple pants, that is. I am not nearly as efficient at exasperating others as you can be at times, young Egbert."

Gamzee ate the rest of his salad with much more ease when he was able to focus his mind on the prize: parmesan. As soon as he was finished eating his salad, he savored his first mouthful of the pasta dish, keeping the fork connected to his mouth with a happy look spreading across his face. His grin was so big, the points of his still partially trollish teeth showed in his merriment at the glorious taste sensation. "ThIs Is SoMe SeRiOuSlY wIcKeD eGgPlAnT oR wHaT nOt YoU'vE mAdE hErE," he drawled in a casual praise for Dad's mad skills at cooking and never ceasing to impress him with said skills.

"Thank you Gamzee" Mr. E smiled, while John just stared at Equius.

"That was a shot at my prankster's gambit. This means war"

"If by 'war' you mean a battle between our competing STRENGTHS, then I accept your challenge," Equius answered unwisely, as he should have known by then that John never fought fairly as far as open combat was concerned. It was all sneaky pranks and dorky guffaw-inducing tricks for as long as he had known the human.

Gamzee set down his fork and popped open his soda, gnawing on the metal rim momentarily before taking a sloppy sip. A few drops of soda landed on his shirt and Equius took notice of the state his former superior's clothes were in when a small mess was made from the sugary drink the darker human's shaking grip was struggling to keep upright.

"Why is there... unfertilized bird menstruation on your shirt?" Equius inquired matter-of-factly, quirking a brow at the dried up egg splatters on Gamzee's torso. At first he had just thought that it was some sort of weird, pop out logo, but now that he could see it up close, it was rather unmistakably real egg.

"WhAt?" Gamzee asked in turn, looking surprised when he noticed them too. He had almost forgotten about them even being there. "Oh, YoU mEaN tHe EgGs?"

"The same," Equius nodded, helping himself to another heaping bowl of salad.

"I dOn'T rEaLlY... rEmEmBeR..." Gamzee started, scratching one of his ears in puzzlement. He remembered a truck, eggs, and then someone shouting something about terrorists. "I tHiNk It MiGhT hAvE bEeN tErRoRiStS."

Mr. Egbert sighed. "Was it another truck, egging you and calling you a terrorist?" he asked. "Again?"

"Sleep with one eye open" John warned

Gamzee lowered his head over his plate like a guilty dog, trying to act accordingly to Mr. Egbert's tone as he nodded slowly, "YeAh... It'S nOt A bIg DeAl."

"Dully noted," Equius replied, undaunted by the smaller man's threat.

"Some people, I swear." Mr. Egbert sighed, running a hand through his hair. "If you want me to pick you up when you get off work, all you have to do is ask."

John returned to his food with a scowl.

Gamzee prodded at his parmesan, muttering to it, "BuT iF yOu PiCk Me Up, WhO's GoNnA wHeEl TaV hOmE?"

Equius paused when he was about to take a sip of milk, ceasing his stare down with John and looking back at Gamzee once more. "I... could oblige."

"I tHoUgHt YoU dIdN't LiKe TaV?" Gamzee questioned, tilting his head crookedly to face Equius. One of the reasons Gamzee wheeled Tavros home was because he needed it as an excuse to spend extra time with him. It was exactly what he needed every day after work: something immediate that he could look forward to. He was also surprised that of all people to offer a former 'lowblood' assistance, the least likely would have been Equius; yet there he was, doing just that. Maybe he was turning over a new leaf? That didn't seem likely though, but one could always still pretend to believe in miracles, right?

"I don't," Equius explained, dabbing his milk mustache away with a napkin. "But you should not be handling someone in a wheelchair when you are... like this."

"LiKe WhAt?" Gamzee looked thoroughly confused until he caught the expression Equius was flashing at him. It looked stern, but showed enough signs of worry that it made something guilty sour in the pit of Gamzee's stomach. Fuck, that's right. He knew. "Oh."

John looked between the two of them in confusion.

"Is there something one of you should be telling me?" Mr. E asked with a raised brow.

"Neigh, there is n--" Equius began before he was interrupted by the former clown.

"NoThInG tO rEpOrT hErE, mIsTeR eGbeRt, SiR," Gamzee interjected, seizing up suddenly when he gathered that he shouldn't have done that. Aw shit, now they just looked suspicious as all Hell on an 'oh fuck' palooza.

Equius: Facepalm Combo x2.

Mr. Egbert sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm going to trust that whatever it is, the two of you have it under control, and will tell me eventually. I'm not going to pry"

Gamzee bobbed his head, grateful that Mr. E was such an understanding guy. Or maybe he had too many irons in the fire and just didn't feel like dealing with more problems right about then. Or was it fires in the iron? Firey irons. Fires. Sick fires. Oh hey, he still needed to bring up dinner for Tavros.

He slid another slice of parmesan onto his plate and began scooting back in his chair to leave, "I tHiNk I sHoUlD bRiNg TaV hIs DiNnEr BeFoRe It GeTs AlL cOlD n ShHhNoW-like. SnOw-LiKe. YeAh." Smooth save there, Gamzee.

"No food in the bedrooms." Mr. Egbert stated, a little sharper than he intended. "You can bring Tavros down when he wakes up, and he'll help you work the microwave."

Gamzee scooted forward in his seat again, feeling kind of awkward now for having forgotten the 'no food upstairs' policy. He started eating more of the parmesan, his downward gaze stuck solely on his plate.

Equius started up a conversation with John to make the unseemly silence less painful, "Prankster gambits aside, how did your day fair?"

"I'm sorry for snapping at you" Mr. Egbert sighed.

"Horrible. Two tests at school, then a screaming two year old at work again" John replied with a groan. "I mean, we don't even have a kids section at work, why do people bring their kids in?"

"It'S aLl GoOd," Gamzee mumbled, smiling weakly up at Dad.

"I am sure no one delights in offspring 'screaming' in public; including the parents," Equius stated, skewering another tomato on his fork. "Unless they are... into that sort of thing."

"Eck, that's called being a pedophile. Which is illegal." John replied, more than slightly creeped out.

Mr. E sighed. "I'm sure Tavros will be awake soon anyway, so there's no real reason to worry about him too much."

Equius raised a brow at John, muttering, "I was talking about the screaming, not the child. Though I can understand the misinterpretation, even if it was rather darkly perverse."

"YeAh, YoU'rE pRoBaBlY rIgHt," Gamzee agreed, taking another bite of parmesan. He swallowed and continued, "I dOn'T wOrRy, ReAlLy, I mEaN, i JuSt WaNt To MaKe SuRe ThE gUy'S tAkEn CaRe Of, Ya KnOw?" Actually, that sounded a lot like worry, come to think of it.

"I was talking about both." John replied evenly.

"He worries plenty about you as well" Mr. E stated with a little smile.

"I have come to assume as much," Equius shrugged, chewing on a mouthful of lettuce and spinach. He genuinely didn't seem to understand the full extent of how wrong it was to discuss people getting off to shrieking toddlers at the dinner table.

A tinge of heat rose in Gamzee's ears as he knew how very true that statement was by how well Tavros was able to put up with him for so long. "WeLl, He Is My BeSt BrO," he replied with a proud grin. "BrO's LoOk OuT fOr EaCh OtHeR nO mAtTeR wHaT."

"There is something wrong with you." John stated, turning back to his own food, hopefully to end the conversation.

"Something tells me the both of you think of each other as more than 'bros'" Mr. E stated gently.

"That's what... she said," Equius replied, having heard that statement made in a sitcom and the audience laughing in uproar. He never really got the joke, but whenever someone said it, there was a positive reaction.

"WhAt?" Gamzee asked out right, not sure where Mr. Egbert was going with this.

John gaped at Equius with half chewed food in his mouth. He could not believe that had just come from the former blue blood's mouth.

"Nothing really, just that Tavros does his very best to keep you happy and safe. He's always coming to me to get something for him for you, or asking if we can have your favorite for dinner, or if I could get you a new shirt because you ripped one of your old ones." Mr. Egbert replied.

Equius took another bite of his salad, looking over at John and swallowing. "Did I not select the appropriate time to... phrase that?"

"He ReAlLy DiD aLl Of ThAt?" Frankly, Gamzee was taken aback by all of this as it was very much news to him. He knew Tavros did nice things for him when he could and Gamzee tried to do the same thing in turn, but he had no idea as to the extent of how much Tavros cared for him. Well, Tavros was his world, his whole mother fucking world; of course he cared about him. He just didn't realize that Tavros would have those kinds of feelings for someone as fucked up in the head as him, that is, presuming that's what Mr. Egbert meant by, "--more than 'bros'."